"Oh no, this is not good."
"I am a terrible writer!"
"No-one will ever read my writing."
"I don't think I can do this."
"Who do I think I am?"
"I'll never finish."
"Why is everyone else so confident?"
Any of these familiar? If you are writing, or trying to write, or even thinking about writing, and these thoughts are flooding into your mind, it may be that you have a touch of imposter syndrome.
I'm in my sixties, and I've been writing professionally all my adult life. You'd have thought I would have learnt to overcome self-doubt by now, and that I would have grown out of my insecurities, but oh no, they are still very much part of my writing process. In this article I explore what imposter syndrome is and how I try to use it as a useful tool, rather than be overcome by it.
Imposter Syndrome is defined by the Cambridge Dictionary as "the feeling that your achievements are not real or that you do not deserve praise or success".
I was interested to read when researching for this post, that originally, the term was mostly thought to apply to high achieving women, who somehow felt they did not deserve to be where they were. Despite evident success, they felt unworthy. Nowadays, it's recognised that imposter syndrome can affect anyone regardless of gender, status or level of skill. The name implies it is a medical condition, and although it isn't, it is a very real state of mind that can be quite difficult to cope with. But, the good news for people like me, is that in reality, those most likely to have imposter syndrome are actually people who are doing well. The irony is that we can't see it and therefore we create a vicious circle, a self-fulfilling prophecy.
According to research, there are five types of Imposter.
The Perfectionist. This is someone who feels that unless what they do is perfect, it is not enough. They tend to feel they are not as good as others think they are.
The Expert. This person feel inadequate because they feel unless they are an expert, they will fail. They worry because they don't know everything about a given subject.
The Natural Genius. This is someone who feels inadequate because they don't believe they are naturally intelligent or gifted, and that they have to work harder to achieve.
The Soloist. This person might feel like an imposter because they have to ask others for help, which makes them feel inadequate.
The Super-person. This is someone who believes that they are a fraud unless they work harder than everyone else and achieves more than their peers.
Oh my. It feels like someone has read my mind. Is it possible to be all five types? Honestly, I see myself in all of these. This may well be connected to the fact that I have lived with severe and sometimes debilitating anxiety all my life. People with imposter syndrome are, after all, more likely to have anxiety. Imposter syndrome can affect our relationships and our working life, because it impacts on the way we approach life. Akin to the glass half empty analogy, we tend to focus on the negatives and place ourselves right at the heart of the problem.
For writers, it's a double whammy in my opinion. We have a deeply personal relationship with our books, characters and stories, and we are also trying to be extremely professional in what we produce. We can feel an imposter in terms of the relationship and the product.
Why do some people develop imposter syndrome and others don't? My belief is that everyone has it to some extent at some point, even if they don't admit it to themselves or others, but that's just a hunch. Various factors are thought to be involved in the development of imposter syndrome. There is evidence that childhood experiences may play a part in determining whether someone will develop these feelings of inadequacy later in life. For example, if you were pressured to do well, if you were compared to others, if your parents or guardians were over-protective or controlling, and if they either emphasised your intelligence or conversely sharply criticised you... all these factors may contribute. Other factors include new work or school experiences, and having a personality type that makes you more susceptible.
Looking back at how I was brought up, I was always trying to please my parents and teachers and never felt I was good enough. One memory stands out. I had done a painting at school and my teacher liked it. She asked me to replicate it exactly for reasons that I now forget. I had to stay in during lunchtime play one day and re-paint my masterpiece while two teachers stood over me saying, "Oh dear, it's not as good as the other one."
I was teased for being a bit of a tomboy and was later bullied as a teenager. This feeling of being an outsider stayed with me throughout my young years. School exams were a particular trigger. I went to a very traditional Grammar School, the type of place where you are told you are the 'creme de la creme' and that you can achieve anything. I worked harder revising for exams than anyone else and yet I always under-achieved. Anxiety took over and I forgot everything I revised when I entered the exam room, only passing because I remembered just enough and had a good grasp of written English and forming an essay. Even as an adult, I thought everyone had a constant knot in their stomach and was hiding their anxiety better than I was. I thought I had to be perfect in order to be accepted and acknowledged. I I began to desperately crave and seek approval. I'll never forget the line from the film "School of Rock" when the nervous head teacher is advising her staff about Parents' Evening. "The parents scrutinise our every move, so I find it's best to over prepare, right? The best defence is a good offence." That pretty much sums up my approach to college and early working life. I felt I had to be prepared for every question, every scenario that might arise. It was exhausting.
When I was a speech and language therapist back in the 1980s, I specialised in treating teenagers who had a severe stammer. I worked as part of a team of therapists delivering an innovative therapy programme which combined elements of family therapy and traditional speech therapy with cognitive behaviour therapy. We worked with the kids and their parents and siblings on everything from family dynamics to practising fluency. An important element of the course was the giving and receiving of praise, of focusing on the positives. It was like a thunderbolt moment for me when I was training to deliver this course. I made it a mission in life from then on to make praise am important part of my relationships, both personal and professional. I learnt to try and recognise achievement in myself and others.
In my working life, I had various academic papers published, I wrote commissioning guidelines and patient information, I developed training packages and policies. And as a retired woman, I have turned to writing books. The first book has won awards and yet I still pick it apart, thinking I could have written that bit better, I should have avoided using that word so much. When it was time to format it pre-publication, my publisher had to ask me to stop sending in suggestions! "It's good", they said. More than that, "It's wonderful", they said. Nevertheless, I still found myself thinking, But is it good enough? Then, I was trolled about my first book because it has themes of LGBT+ acceptance, and it nearly broke me. I was called the most disgusting names, and strangers accused me of all sorts of abuse. It took a LOT of hard work to recognise that the problem was theirs, not mine. I vowed never to write another book.
One way in which imposter syndrome affects writing in particular is that people get very concerned about the best way to write, as if finding the "right" way will somehow cure them of all their insecurities. I am on various social media writers' groups. People in these groups vary hugely in terms of their experience and opinion. Some are newbie writers asking where to start, some are experienced authors, editors and publishers offering their wisdom and thoughts based on experience, and some are there mainly it seems to preach to other people about what they must or mustn't do. My view is that in reality, it's horses for courses. What suits one person won't suit another. Basically, there are planners, who plan every detail of their book before starting to write it, there are pantsers, who just write and see what happens, and there are plansters, who plan a bit then start writing and continue to plan as they go. Nowadays, I'm more of a planster.
My imposter syndrome is part of me, just as my anxiety is. But I try to re-frame it.
When I am burdened by my feelings of being an imposter these days, I try to tell myself that I'm good enough. I look back on a successful career as a speech therapist, early learning specialist, community development manager, project manager and freelance consultant with some satisfaction. I'm incredibly proud of my two adult children (despite thinking about the earlier list of mistakes parents can make, of course I think I made all of them, especially being over-protective with them and emphasising how clever they were). In my retirement, I have become a traditionally published author. I live in a beautiful part of the world and have basic decent health and a good life with my husband and pets.
Things that help me with my imposter syndrome are similar to things that help me with my anxiety. Sometimes I just need to step away. I use various strategies such as relaxation, going for long walks, going to the gym, reading, doing word puzzles and sudoku. I am often much more creative after I have exercised or been out in nature. Other times, it's best if I plough on and do something writing-related, even if I am not adding to the word count of the manuscript. I might do some research, think about the book cover, tweak my website, or work on a blog post. I also sometimes write about the things that are bothering me and try to change how I am thinking. I try to focus on what I can do, what I have done. All these help me re-centre to a degree. Again, each person needs to find their own way to manage.
I approach book writing a bit like I approach parenting. When your book is being researched and drafted, it's your baby. You nurture it and care for it as best you can. The moment you share it with another person e.g. an editor or a beta reader, it becomes a little less yours. Other people become invested in it. This I equate to your child starting nursery, when you first hand them over to someone else for an extended period. Finally, your book being published is like your child growing up. It's still your creation, but it also has a life of its own. Other people are invested in it more and more. Your readers, when they read it, will have their own relationship with it that is completely out of your control. You have to learn to let it go, at least to a certain extent.
I did write another book, which is due to be published later this year. The first one was non-fiction, whereas this one is historical fiction, which I have never attempted to write before, and so I had moments when drafting it of convincing myself that I didn't know what I was doing. Even though I researched for months, even though I have read loads of historical fictions, even though I looked at numerous videos and read heaps of articles about fiction writing. This time, I do at least believe I have written a good book. It's the anxiety that takes over. It always does.
The Very Well Mind website has a great set of questions to ask yourself if you are wondering whether you have imposter syndrome.
Do you agonize over even the smallest mistakes or flaws in your work?
Do you attribute your success to luck or outside factors?
Are you sensitive to even constructive criticism?
Do you feel like you will inevitably be found out as a phony?
Do you downplay your own expertise, even in areas where you are genuinely more skilled than others?
If you feel this applies to you, and you are stuck, I would suggest having a look at the Very Well Mind website. They have lots of ideas for how you can help yourself. These include talking to someone, assessing your abilities, questioning your thoughts and not comparing yourself to others. I have added the link below.
I do hope you find what works for you. Most of all, look after yourself.
Thank you for reading my blog.
Em Buckman x
Author of the (ahem) award winning non-fiction book "Bent Is Not Broken" (2023) and the forthcoming "Women Of Note" (due 2025).
More information on my books and other blogs can be found on my website: www.mjbuckman.com
References
Cuncic A: Imposter Syndrome: The Five Types, How to Deal With It (2024). Very Well Mind website. Accessed online 19.01.2025. https://www.verywellmind.com/imposter-syndrome-and-social-anxiety-disorder-4156469
Healthline website: You’re Not a Fraud: How to Recognize and Overcome Imposter Syndrome (2024). Accessed online 19.01.2025. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/imposter-syndrome
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